As painful as it is, it's become equally painfully easy to deal with it now. At some point i decided that it should no longer be so complcated anymore. It needn't be. The effort always turns out to be a waste anyway. You're right, laugh it off or shrug it off- move on, walk on- there's always a turn and a bend, and who knows what's around the bend. Something better or something worse- if there's such a thing as better, and not what goes best with the given circumstances. You always believed in circumstances anyway- the queen of randomness, a convert to chaos, no longer looking for cryptic reasons and cosmic causes- there's too much randomness in the universe for your little mind to figure out- how arrogant for you to assume that you could, even for a moment, get a glimpse of what lies there, beneath the thick layer of what you have finally come to call reality.

And yet, there was a time when i tried to see a pattern out of chaos, there was a time when i believed in reasons and meanings and pretty ideals. I laugh at myself now. I shrug it off. Turn away and leave. Since i no longer want to stand there watching the last hero walk away.

and so it is...

Just like [you thought] it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time

The shorter story
No [fuss], no glory
No hero in [the] sky...

*

life in slow motion somehow it dont feel real...

reality overlap

" i see things that happened. i encounter images of myself in various places, but only at distance, as though i were watching someone else... it's out there, beyond what i can feel or touch, beyond anything that has to do with me..."

Paul Auster
Urban/modern nothingness