And it's happening again...

Reoccuring
“Sometimes all you want is a place you could go to and
feel safely hidden and lost. An unfamiliar place in a foreign city, a street without a name, you walk into a bar you’ve never been to, order a drink you will not drink… Talk to yet another stranger, smile a disappointed smile, give a shrug, and walk out, sober, leaving only cigarette ashes behind… For you know better, you should- you’ve spoken to way too many strangers…

You walk into a building undistinguished in any way, open the
door to a room that has no personality; look at the bare
walls and a single chair in the corner. In fading daylight
coming through the stained glass you are alone. You walk
into that empty space, sit on the floor with a full pot of
coffee and smoke cigarettes one after another. Watch the
smoke curl above your head and melt in the air. Watch the
air turn blue and heavy as hours pass…

…and you’re still there, on the floor trying to recall who
you are and where you have come from. Trying to remember
what was today and what was yesterday. All those faces and places, and bits and snippets of conversations… They swirl around your head- distant echoes of forgotten voices, past instants flashing before your eyes… here you are at sixteen, here you are at twenty… now you no longer know your age, it’s been too long since you stopped to ask. Scenes from the past flashing before your eyes, scenes that seem to belong to someone else’s life, you’re merely an observer with indifferent eyes, watching a poorly cast movie with badly matched characters. You go through each one of those scenes, one by one dismissing them all, letting them roll into the dark void of oblivion, without experiencing any regret. Hardly feeling a thing. What a waste…

Nothing remains. Your mind is yet another space, bare and empty, uninhabited- there is nothing left to remember. Nothing to evoke even a slight resemblance of what you once used to call an emotion. There are no more thoughts, none of the moments of past holding you
back, making you want to return, no useless weight holding
you down. You could interrupt the film at any moment, leave that life as it is, unfinished, yet suggesting no logical ending. You could chose never to leave the room and no one would even notice… Leave the body behind, dissolve in the air in search of the eternity… And as
you stand staring into the huge dark eye of the unknown,
you’d know that’s where you have come from."