***

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how do you reconcile the knowledge of the present with your past self?

... for looking back i cannot help the feeling of dismay and I laugh the laugh of malie at my younger self, the laugh of spite at my own innocence and naivite.

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what you lost in return of the knowledge you've gained is the innocence.

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and when you realize that there's no going back to this innocence that's when you know you're old...