In need of an agenda, as sad as it sounds...

Oh, I know, I know - posting a cute, albeit accurate, story stolen from elsewhere after not having written for over a month despite past promises is pretty lame. I can’t really blame the lack of time, since I had an entire month of winter break at my disposal, which, I have to tell you, felt like a honeymoon of sorts. Not that I didn’t have anything to rant about – it’s just for whatever reason I would rather spend my time doing absolute nothing (at best) or watching trash TV (at worst – America’s Next Top Skank, anyone?), than try to gather up thoughts to write up something with any meaning or content of any sorts. Blame it on laziness, or lack of motivation, or on too good of a time that I was having while in Richmond. Speaking of honeymoons – when the boy asked, kind of arbitrarily what I would consider as a good spot for honeymoon, the immediate response that came out at the top of my head was… Beirut, which was greeted by rolling of eyes and a comment that I must be out of my mind (like I didn’t know already).

I do have to admit though that part of the reason that I can’t seem to write much these days is that I am not quite sure what I want to do and where I want to go with this blog. I lack any sort of agenda, both in regards to writing and life in general, which, at times, is quite unsettling, if you know what I mean. The truth is, I do need to come up with some kind of agenda, if not for being able to blog more frequently, at least so that I can get through the remaining few months of school without shooting myself or anyone else in the process. I need some kind of discipline – something that I have never been good with. I need motivation that extends beyond being able to turn in school assignments on time and getting good grades in return, which is not something that keeps me excited on daily basis anyway. And lastly, I do need an agenda so that I can look beyond depression, apathy, and consequent cynicism and make something positive out of a decision that didn’t turn out to be the best one that I’ve made in my life. After all, I am paying way too much money to make myself this miserable. Not that school is all that bad and I am not learning anything in the process. It’s just the fact that after all, it doesn’t really matter all that much – you’re in, you’re out, with the much sought after, although questionably useful piece of paper, that would or would not contribute to the betterment of your own life, let alone the world itself (oh I’m so naive, of course the master’s degree from Brandeis is going to fix everything that’s wrong with the world).

Not to continue this downward spiral of overly depressing chain of thoughts – I do need to make myself write more often, if for nothing else, at least for the sake of my own sanity – and writing, on quite a few occasions, has helped me tremendously to get out of whatever mental loop I was caught at that particular moment… We’ll have to see how it goes.