Recently one of my fellow students asked me how things were going.
“Well, I’m seriously considering quitting school to go have babies…” I said, jokingly, not knowing what else to say.
“Really? You? Of all people?” she said with a wow on her face. “You’re always so passionate and dedicated and all over the stuff. Where’s the hope for me then?” The girl actually was NOT joking.
Needless to say, her comment made me think. But before I get to explaining where this quitting and babies business is coming from, I have to tell you how lunatic of an idea it is to look at me as a source of hope. Or motivation. Or anything else that has even a slightest breeze of inspiration. Ask the fat bastard, if you can find him - he’ll tell you.
Now whether or not I believe in development through the established institutional framework is something that I myself am trying to figure out. And trust me, there is nothing all that exciting or inspirational in the process. That there is actually a chance that I might, even for a moment, be perceived as anything close to passionate or dedicated when it comes to school is pretty hysterical. A more accurate picture would be: apathetic, pessimistic, I-don’t- really- care-cause- it’s- not- going –to- matter -either -way and can’t -we -go -home -now? Now add to that some chloric acid, soften it with a pinch of hopeless idealism, then spice it up with bitter skepticism and you got me. Now measure how far it is from the aforementioned passionate and dedicated. And then decide, at your own risk, whether or not you want to look at me as a source of … now what was it that you were saying?
2 comments:
I found your blog through Tamera's. I don't know her personally, we've just found a mutual like between our blogs. ...I was reading through some of your entries, and just wanted to tell you that I think you are a prolific and beautiful writer, especially about your recovery from an eating disorder. Kudos. :)
Thank you, Brie, for your kind words. It makes me happy to hear that my often random and sporadic attempts of self-expression touch someone somewhere in some way. It also makes me wish that I had blogged about my recovery more, while I was in the process, because the whole process itself, as hard as it has been, was very enlightening and liberating...
I find it hard to write about it at this point, partly because it seems so far away now, partly because these days my head is full of economic growth theories day in day out, but really, i do not think that i would have come this far had i not gone through what i did in the extremely challenging and yet very rewarding process of recovery.
Thanks again for stopping by and leaving a comment.
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